Surround Yourself with Those Who Care
Why is it that we continue to keep people in our lives that cause us grief, spread negative vibes and drag us down. I spent most of my life trying to keep everyone in my life happy. I felt completely responsible for keeping the peace. I felt required to organize and gather people together. I never asked myself do “I” really want to spend my time with them.
I can only recall a few times when I specifically made a personal decision not to spend time with someone before I had weight loss surgery.
It was always very important that everyone LIKED me. I worked very hard at this.
After I lost my weight, I valued myself more. I realized my life and time were valuable. It’s sad I didn’t know this for the prior 34 years.
Let me note. Liking myself…. and Loving myself didn’t happen overnight.
One thing that becomes very clear once you start putting yourself first is that those around you will notice. Quickly.
They notice because it may mean that the relationship you had with them is now changing.
Perhaps you ate lunch with the same group everyday at work. You’d pick a new lunch place each day and indulge in the fare of the day. YUM.
Perhaps you were always available to babysit your friends kids because you never went out on the weekends.
Perhaps you were always available to cook for family or prepare things for them at a drop of a hat.
Things change.
When you make such a dramatic change in your life, you put yourself first. You MUST. Maintaining your healthy lifestyle is FIRST. You also are now free from the burden of your obesity. You’re ready to get out and live life and you are no longer required to be so available to everyone and their needs.
Some people when they realize that you will no longer be putting them first may become strange. They seem surprised that you are now meeting your own needs NOT everyone else’s.
Hmmm. This was a shock for me. I learned real quick how even family members saw my role in my family.
I wasn’t around now to solve everything. I wasn’t organizing. I didn’t really want that job anymore.
Well it didn’t go over well.
Now there are those that get it. That are totally thrilled that you have put yourself first. They applaud you and help you.
And some others will come around as soon as they realize that YES this change is good for you. They love you, may not be good at change but are more interested in YOU then sticking to the ways things were always done.
Thank you to those people! They are willing to change for you too.
But sadly there are those that will fight change. That will refuse to see that what you have done is for you and your health. To improve your life. They will see it as changing their life. It’s hard to see this happen especially if you love this person.
But I must say to you that it is very important to surround yourself with like minded people.
Those who are also living a healthy lifestyle. Those who support you and care about your well being.
Please consider leaving me a comment. Have you had any struggle with friends, family who have not supported your journey. Have you had to move on? How did this go?
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Comments (11)
Dixie L
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You are so very right! I had a friend who I didn’t realize (until the daily contact stopped) was actually pulling me down, physically, emotionally and spiritually! I too was one that wanted everyone to like me! I have decided too to put myself first! Not too many people (friends) that I knew prior to surgery understand or likes the new me, but honestly it gives me a whole new outlook on my life and what I want out of my life and what I want to be to others. It is ALL a growing and changing process!
Thank you so much for the topic!
Dixie
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my tiny tank
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Hi Dixie, thanks for sharing that. I was such a people pleaser. So much so that I overlooked what I needed or wanted in my life. I have to say that most of the friends I used to hang with are no longer in my life. I am blessed that my childhood friends are by my side sure and strong. They are readers of my blog and they know the true me. I am so blessed to have them. they truly know who I am. I wrote this once about my college roomie, it still make me teary eyed with happiness You’ll do just fine. Surround yourself with those who like you no matter what you do for them
Love your way my friend!
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julia
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I so needed to read this today…I’ve been dealing with a friendship that has definitely turned negative this week…it is a struggle for me with my history of being “too nice” to actually make a break from the friendship, but I’m beginning to think that it is dragging me down. While I wish nothing but the best for this person, I can’t do anything to help her, and ultimately I think the negativity of the friendship isn’t very good for me. So I have some hard decisions ahead. But thanks for the reminder that surrounding ourselves with supportive people is an important part of this journey!
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my tiny tank
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HI Julia, I have been there. My mother always said that God helps those who help themselves. ughhh. she was so right. We can be there to help others, but we must not put ourselves in jeopardy to do so. Especially if they are not helping themselves. Then there are those who just want to drag you down. Steer clear! Peeling away the “fat” armor brings new challenges. You are up for them. One at a time.
Hugs!
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Donna
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I am going through a situation with a step-daughter, and it is truly physically debiliating, as well as emotionally! I feel drained, tired, overwhelmed, exhausted on all levels in just dealing with the constant strain of this relationship. The problem is that, this is family – not just a friend I can choose to leave. She’s there. For good. I am definitely standing up for myself and making sure my needs are met – which in the past I may have succumbed more often, and ultimately. At least this time, I am healthy and feel better about ME and what I want.
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my tiny tank
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Donna, good work. This is a tough situation. especially with a child, or young adult, or even an adult child because of the inherent roles in place. Standing up for yourself and defining what is not acceptable is a good start. Strength to you my dear friend we are here to help if you are not already a member of our Facebook group come here and ask to join the group it is a safe friendly place to chat with others dealing with the same things https://www.facebook.com/groups/MyTinyTank/ PEACE my friend.
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Marney
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This has happened to me over the 11 yrs. basically getting my self esteem back gives me power, power to not worry about what everyone thinks and get on with my life, happier and not worrying about what others think.
But This back fired on me a little bit cause I gained some back , and that gave others fuel to burn me again, to put me down. Or maybe that’s just me beating myself up?!
I wouldn’t change my surgery for the world but I would change something….. I wouldn’t tell people I did this if I had my time over again.
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my tiny tank
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HI Marney, this is a very honest comment. I commend you for posting it. I can tell you there have been times that I have felt failure that I have not taken off the 20 pounds I gained during my pregnancy. BUt then I looked at the fact that I have maintained the exact weight for 9 YEARS! HELLO. Who around you, even non WLS peeps have done that! My skinny college friend slapped me around once about this. She said “yeah and we’ve all stayed the exact weight for the last ten years, NOT!” Made me feel better and also took off some of the pressure. Talking about the regain is the first step. YOu can take it off. I am. SLowly but it is coming off. Stay honest and strong and don’t worry about what others think.
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yvonne downing
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thats a powerful title thats important to have positive people in your life
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my tiny tank
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Hi Miss Yvonne, we need to some love around us to blossom. And that is why I love when you are around on the calls and reading, commenting on my blog posts!! thanks!
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Carmen Tucker
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As I am reading your post 2 things quickly came to mind. First oh argh, I am such a people pleaser too… Or I use to be. And second, I wonder what the stats are on wls patients that fit that mold as well? Willing to bet that obesity and people pleaser go had in hand like the chicken and the egg. Never really sure which comes first. Wonderjust how many of us come out the other side maintaining weight loss and people pleasing. I personally dont know that would be possible. Perhaps its imperative to get to know ones self. Set priorities and boyndries early in this game.
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