I was proud of myself when I got to yoga this morning. I was standing on my yoga matt and I thought “I’m so proud that I got myself here today.” I had been short changing myself all weekend with other responsibilities; work, home, family. And this morning I kept repeating to myself ”I’m going to yoga this morning.” ”I’m going to yoga this morning.” ”I’m going to yoga this morning.” Kind of like I was convincing myself. Well it worked and
I was standing on my yoga matt and then it happened.
As we started, standing on our matts, arms by our sides, chin lightly resting on our chests, then we lifted our heads and adjusted our feet so they weren’t so close together. And then the instructor said “move your feet so it is comfortable, Find your own balance.”
There I was again crying while exercising. Yes the tears welled up. I stopped myself. But I took a moment to ask myself why is this happening AGAIN. If you don’t know I’ve started a habit of crying during exercise. So I gave myself an opportunity to figure out why did that one phrase “Find Your Own Balance” make me well up? I didn’t brush myself off. I didn’t say “oh it must be that time of the month.” I thought about it and I was truly happy that I had stopped and taken the time to give myself something. An hour of stretching. An hour of getting in touch with my body. More to come on that.
Yes people I may have turned the corner. I may just be ok with expending time and money for myself without feeling guilty. I gave an hour to myself this morning when I could have been working. I wrote a check today for 15 weeks of classes and I did it with no hesitation. Why should I hesitate? Well the thing is I always have.
I give a lot and I am learning to Find My Own Balance.
A balance of giving and giving. Yup I meant to say that. A balance of giving to those who need me and also giving to ME. There’s enough of me to go around.
There is a lot of balance going on when you are practicing yoga.
So when we were on our matts, arms by our sides, chin lightly resting on our chests, when we lifted our heads and adjust edour feet so they weren’t so close together. I had my little cry. And then I continued. I focused in on the instructors voice. And followed the moves and positions she was instructing.
Now if you’ve taken a yoga class you’ll recall there is a balance between “ah this feels good” and “OMG how am I going to get out of this pose?”
You quickly learn a lot about your body. And get very in-tune with your body. It can be discouraging but you have to accept your ability and hold the pose as you can do it today. After a few more classes you will ”Find Your Own Balance”
I found myself half way into the class (which would be about 30 minutes) thinking “is this almost over?” In most poses my legs were shaking like jelly by the time we released the pose.
I’m a 30 minute runner so I reminded myself as my legs were jiggling in Warrior Pose that “Ok Tracy you can do this, Find Your Own Balance.” And I did. I found that most poses I could do. But some poses I could not hold them for too long. Others I was awesome at.
And there were times when I was really focusing on my body and how it felt and how the poses were making me feel more flexible as the class went on.
And I’d have moments when I was in a Forward Bend pose and I was like “Hey I have nice feet.”
So I made it through again. And despite my 30 minute habit check. I’m going to keep going to yoga.
I’ve been trying to do it once a week. My objective was to stretch my muscles now that I am running. When I run I am usually under a time constraint and I Run, Shower, Go! Probably not the best practice. So I knew my odds of injury were increasing. And that is why I worked a yoga day into my exercise routine.
So I will continue to go and Find My Own Balance.
I must say at the end of the class we reduced the strenuousness of our poses and eventually found a personal resting pose and rested for a while. I was on my back with my knees up and feet on the floor. Eyes closed and it was so relaxing. At one point I thought “I think the instructor has fallen asleep.” But no she is just way better at being quiet and still for a long time.
Maybe I can work that into my new found Balance.
Do you have balance in your life?
Note: Most Comments Require Moderation so don’t be concerned if your comment does not appear immediately. It will appear once I have a chance to read it. Try subscribing to the comments this way you will know when I have replied or others have comments too.
Trackback from your site.