Ask Tiny Tank: Did You Keep Your Surgery a Secret?
This is a question that I always get. Weight Loss Surgery seems to make people feel shameful. Or should I say people are ashamed of their weight. They want to keep it a secret. I’m not sure why they would be ashamed of their choice to do something positive about their weight. Did I keep it a secret?
I did not keep my weight loss surgery a secret.
I had my weight loss surgery at the same time that I had a liver resection to remove a cyst my doctors had found on my liver. I had been experiencing severe pain in my side. Once I had the doctors look into it they discovered a large liver cyst which needed to be removed along with some of my liver.
So there was no secret that I was having surgery, but I was very open about the fact that I was not only having my liver repaired but that I chose to have my stomach altered so that it was much smaller.
A gastric bypass would make it as small as a golf ball.
My family and close friends knew and were supportive and happy to help me get healthier. It was not my first attempt to lose weight, it had been a life time battle.
As the weight shed off work colleagues and acquaintances were curious.
As when anyone loses weight everyone wants to know how they did it.
How did I handle this?
If someone asked I would share with them what I did, but I was not one to offer advice openly about the surgery.
What I found was that people knew what I had done and on a handful of occasions I was able to help someone who had a family member or themselves considering weight loss surgery. I have always talked openly and candidly about my surgery to those who were interested.
Now I had surgery in the year 2000, many of the people I am surrounded by now never knew me when I was morbidly obese. And many of them don’t know that I had weight loss surgery.
If it does come up, and sometimes it does, there is surprise and then if they are a friend they realize now why I have some quirky habits. With all that said I am happy to share my experience and hence this blog.
I have known some who have chosen not to be honest and open about their surgery. It is a personal choice. I know for me being as honest as I could with myself and others has had a direct correlation with my ability to keep my weight off.
Losing the weight is one thing. Keeping it off is another.
The work really starts after the weight is off. We really need to dig deep about why we became obese in the first place. Many times being honest with ourselves and others is part of the equation.
I had to be open and honest. It was the only way for me.
As always if you have a question please feel free to Ask Tiny Tank.
Please consider leaving me a comment below and let me know your thoughts on sharing your choice to have weight loss surgery and how you handled questions from others.
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Comments (24)
Marney
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I told people but I regret it, if I had my time over I would keep it a secret as I still feel like everyone is watching everything I eat. And I’m not paranoid as the people comment, oh can you eat that much or you don’t eat much, how do you put on weight when you’ve had surgery ? I feel as judged now as I did when I was obese. It’s been 11 yrs.
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my tiny tank
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Hi Marney. Funny thing is we all watch each other. Whether you have a weigh issue or not all people watch what others eat. I have found this along the way. My every skinny friend always notices what I eat all the time. She watches what she eats too, maybe why she is skinny. hmmmm.
I do know someone who did not tell anyone about their surgery. It has worked so far for this person. But we have discussed the whole honesty part of it. I think there may have been a different decision because being honest with yourself and others is so important.
Learning to be ok with how we feel about our weight is a personal thing. Learning to not care about how others feel about our weight is a growth area too. It’s all emotional work. The way I look at it is a process. A process I work everyday.
I actually let go of those who continued you judge me for what I weigh, what I eat or don’t eat. I let those relationships go. Easier said then done.
Wow this is such a big topic. Marney thanks for your honest comments. It helps others and ME!~
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hazel
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I kept my surgery a secret from family ( for a period )
However, I filmed my weight loss surgery for a BBC documentary aimed at young people suffering with body image and confidence issues. I decided that if I could help someone else by showing my journey and my struggles, that was a much better thing to do than keep my surgery a secret for fear of being judged.
I didn’t tell my close family, but slowly through tv exposure, magazine articles etc they all found out about it, and now the whole world knows.
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my tiny tank
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Hi Hazel, thanks for commenting. That was a story in it’s self. thanks for sharing and I encourage others to head on over to your blog. to see your story!
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julia
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I told everyone. For me, it seemed like a positive thing I was doing for my health. Also, I figured people would know I was off work for surgery of some sort, and would likely put two and two together once the weight loss started. I’ve actually been very blessed to have been met with nothing but support from virtually everyone in my life. I did overhear someone at work saying I’d taken “the easy way out” but other than that, everyone has been very supportive.
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my tiny tank
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Hi Julia, yeah there will always be someone who has something to say about you behind your back…. I once walked into a conversation about me. I just smiled and killed them with kindness. What I know for sure is that if someone has something non positive to say about someone else it is usually because they are not happy with themselves. hmmmm. I’d rather be me.
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Cynthia
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I attended the Weight Loss Surgery information presentation & knew about that I needed to do something. I was sold on getting a second chance chance to eat right. 6 months later I had surgery 11/28/12. But 2 months prior I started having some stomach issues and had to go for a bunch of tests. I didn’t tell very many people that I was having WLS because I did not want to educate people on the benefits, & I knew people would say I took the easy way out. Sometimes I forget who knows what, I haven’t had the experiences that “Marney” has had, but my heavy friend is now eating the way I eat. Though I am having difficulties with eating in a Social Scene. I got the sleeve & when I’m talking, I’m not watching what I’m eating & then I start feeling pain.
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my tiny tank
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Hi Cynthia. Welcome. Others are affected by our weight losses. There are positive and negative effects. Your heavy friend is on the receiving end of the benefits of your wls. We can positively effect others. We can also have negative affects. Sometimes we find that previous relationships may be lost because they can not withstand the changes we MUST make to stay healthy after wls. No more eating buddies. You keep up the good work in your first year!!!
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darlene
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I told people and still tell people when asked what I’ve done……I’m not ashamed of it although sometimes when I tell people after they’ve complimented me on how I look, the typical first response is “OH” as if it was the easy way out which is far from it……those that really know me though will usually say “good for you”, etc……
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my tiny tank
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Hi Darlene, funny. I get the “OH, and you’ve kept it off!! Good for you!”
yeah. some people don’t think before they speak. But really I don’t care about what people say anymore. I”m so over that and that came with the courage and self confidence I gained with the “new me.” Staying around those who are positive and supportive is key!!
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yvonne downing
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i told everyone , just how i am , i am a open book so i didnt mind , i thought maybe i could help someone who wanted to do the same thing
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my tiny tank
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Yvonne, you and I …. open books. I too am very open about my weight loss. I enjoy talking about it with those who are genuinely interested.
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Cindy
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I’m working towards a revision… to a RNY. My first/current is a vertical banded gastroplasty. I remember being ashamed and I didn’t tell hardly anyone. I even went out of state (do not recommend = no support from docs/nutrition/etc) to hide it. My bestie at the time was in the state I had it in and she knew. I told my mom and sis after I returned… I couldn’t hide anything from mom for long!
This time… the support group knows, and I’ve been telling people slowly. Once insurance approves it, I’ll be more open… and of course afterwards, well it will depend on the person.
Thanks for sharing your story!
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my tiny tank
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Hi Cindy. You are certainly heading into phase two of your journey!! thanks for sharing your story. Are we FB friends? I’d love to follow you as you head into your next stage?
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Cindy
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Yes, I liked your My Tiny Tank FB page. We share a common last name.
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my tiny tank
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Ahhh, I did not know that!!! I will look for you!!! thanks!
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Jessica D.
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Cindy, I just revised from the sleeve to the RNY. Just about a month out from RNY. I had the sleeve 2 1/2 years ago.
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my tiny tank
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Jessica, can you tell us what your key reasons were for having the RNY after having the sleeve.
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Jessica D.
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The main reason was originally I was too big and on too many psych medications (due to a misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder) to have the bypass in 2010. So my surgeon suggested a two step approach. Have the sleeve, lose some weight, mentally get better then have the bypass. I went from 7 psych medication to zero, lost 70 lbs, and went off my diabetes medications from the sleeve. It made me all the more healthier to undergo the bypass. It doesn’t occur to people that there is a BMI limit for undergoing bypass. The higher your BMI the more unsafe it is. There are people out there that have two surgeries. Two surgeries was the plan for years. Those where my reasons.
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Cindy S
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Jessica, I recently learned that that was one of the common things about the gastric sleeve, that originally it was meant to be a 2 part surgery. Although now not all go for the RNY after the sleeve.
Going from my current surgery, VBG, there is no option, but the RNY, which is fine with me. I’m hoping to get the dumping syndrome to learn about sugars! Bad for me!!! LoL!! I told the doc that and he said he always hopes his patients get it to learn from.
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Jessica D.
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Most people don’t realize that and love to tell me I have failed but I do two surgeries, it pisses me off because anyone who personally knows me realizes that the sleeve saved my life in several ways.
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Jessica D.
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Yes I told people and then a year after my sleeve I started openly blogging about it and still do. I never regretted sharing. My issues has been with other WLS’ers who fail to understand why I underwent gastric bypass after a sleeve. Non-WLS people have always been extremely supportive.
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my tiny tank
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HI Jessica. I’m not sure whether everyone really understand the different benefits from the different surgeries. I too find that when I am reading and chatting with others within the community. Your blog will certainly help people learn why someone would have a phased approach! We will all benefit from it. thanks for sharing! PLease do keep coming back and sharing. I appreciate your insight.
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Dawn M
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In the beginning when i was still making the decision to have WLS, only 1 person knew. After i met with the surgeon & started getting my tests done I told my parents. I didnt tell my friends until after i was approved by insurance and had a surgery date.
In the beginning, i was embarassed that i had let my life get out of control to the point i needed to have a surgical intervention. I was afraid that people would judge me and have negative things to say to and about me. But as i started telling people, i found they were supportive. And ultimately once i totally accepted my decision to have surgery, i had peace, so it didnt matter what anyone thought or said.
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